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𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝟐 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒... 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

 


When I was in boarding school, I had a friend whose provisions were just garri, sugar and kuli kuli.

For me, I had no garri at all. My parents believed it affected eyesight, so it never made it into my box.
Yet, despite what we had or didn’t have, Kevin and I became very close. Same hostel, same class. We were almost inseparable in Federal Government College Kaduna.

He was good at football, fast, and likeable, but there was a problem no one saw.
Anytime Kevin asked for my provisions especially milk to soak his garri or cornflakes and I refused, he would stop speaking to me. Completely. No explanation. Just silence.

And somehow, I always found myself begging him… with double of what he asked for.
This went on for years.
My provisions would finish quickly and when my mum asked, I couldn’t explain. They thought seniors were taking them.

Even when I started keeping things with my guardian, it didn’t stop. Kevin would demand I bring more. When I couldn’t, the silence returned.

At some point, I started stealing from my own supplies just to keep the friendship.
That was how deep it had gone.
It was psychological bullying, but I didn’t even know.
My grades started dropping.

Then one holiday, my dad asked me a simple question: “Who is your best friend? And how is he doing academically?”
When he heard the answer, he told me to end the friendship. I couldn’t. Not until something happened.
After I performed poorly in my Junior WAEC, my dad “reset my brain” in a way I will never forget.
That was the beginning of my awakening.

Then in SS1, I stumbled on a book titled Make Self-Reliance Your Target from a counsellor, George Kaitholil, I had just encountered.
That book changed me. It opened my eyes. It strengthened my mind. It gave me the courage I didn’t know I had.
One day, I realised Kevin had stopped speaking to me… and I didn’t even notice. That was my freedom.

💡 What I Learnt
  • 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞.
  • 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝. 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠.
  • 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲.
  • 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲.

🧠 How to Break Free
  • 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐆𝐨𝐝.
  • 𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐲. 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧. 𝐆𝐫𝐨𝐰.
  • 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 For Parents
  • 𝐏𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐓𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬.
  • 𝐄𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟏𝟓 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬.
  • 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞.

I don’t know where Kevin is today.
But when he eventually came back to apologise, I told him: “Bro, abeg stay on your own.”
And that was it.

𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬, 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐩.

Shalom.
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Location: Abuja, Federal Capital Territory, Nigeria

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